On Wednesday’s Late Show, Stephen Colbert led with the dangerous information first: “The president is actively working to undermine our democracy, usurp the will of the people and hold on to power in violation of our Constitution.” The excellent news? “He’s actually dangerous at it.
“The president is desperate to somehow throw out the votes for Biden,” the host continued, “but like everything else in his administration, it’s a race between autocracy and incompetence, and with this crowd, incompetence is Usain Bolt.”
Colbert checked in on the Republicans’ newest “coup-nanigans”: on Tuesday, the 2 Republican members of the canvassing board for Michigan’s Wayne county, which incorporates Detroit, refused to certify election outcomes, citing minor discrepancies in votes forged versus quantity of people that attended polls. (The different two members of the board are Democrats, to make it non-partisan.) “This is something that happens everywhere, so it is outrageous that the Republican chair said she would be ‘open to certifying the vote in communities other than Detroit’,” Colbert defined.
“Whatever the reason – racism was the reason — the president’s team was thrilled,” he added, though residents of Wayne county had been decidedly not happy. Turns out, voters “aren’t that keen on having their votes thrown out,” Colbert recapped, and many swarmed the Zoom name for a digital board assembly. “You know something is terribly wrong when people voluntarily join a Zoom call.”
After quite a few offended feedback from residents, the 2 Republicans reversed course and licensed the outcomes. “So that’s it? That’s all it took?” Colbert marveled. “It’s that easy to stop your devious plan? For Pete’s sake, if all fascists were that weak, we could’ve avoided World War II with one propaganda poster.”
On Full Frontal, Samantha Bee prepped her viewers for a muted, risk-managed “Covid Thanksgiving”, with the promise of a reliable, proactive Biden-Harris administration on the horizon. “Thankfully, the Biden-Harris approach to stopping Covid will be different” than Trump’s, Bee mentioned, “mostly in that they’re actually trying to stop it.”
The Biden administration has already introduced a coronavirus taskforce staffed by medical and public well being specialists, and plans to broaden testing, make use of 100,000 new contact tracers, launch a nationwide “pandemic dashboard” to show transmission charges throughout the nation – all of which “means that as a nation, we may be rounding the corner on one of the most painful eras in recent history,” Bee mentioned. “Painful for the obvious reasons, and because of how many TV shows are writing it into their plots.”
“This has been a hard fucking year,” she concluded. “And it’s understandable that you might want to be with your family right now. But it’s crucial to consider and manage your risk. And if you don’t see your family next week, don’t feel guilty about that – it may be one of the most loving things you can do for them. Plus, this is the only year you can skip it without being an asshole, and that’s one reason to be truly thankful.”
“Whatever he thinks on Twitter, I think Donald Trump understands that in real life, he’s not going to be president after 20 January,” mentioned Trevor Noah on The Daily Show, as a result of “ever since election day, he and his administration have been working overtime to rush through policies and regulatory changes as fast as they can.”
Noah examined a few of these adjustments, together with the removing of troops from Iraq and the suggestion of navy intervention in Iran. “There’s no way that Trump knows the difference between Iraq and Iran,” mentioned Noah, “and secondly, he’s solely bought two months left in workplace, so if he goes to struggle with Iran, he’s going to have to hurry run it.
“Even if you think it’s a good idea to end wars, it’s very stressful when it’s Donald Trump and he’s on a two-month timeline,” Noah added. “I mean, Donald Trump’s whole career has been a failed game of Monopoly, so I don’t feel great about him playing a speed version of Risk.”
And in Alaska, the house of the most important space of untouched wilderness within the US, Trump has moved to public sale off drilling rights to the Arctic nationwide wildlife refuge. “At this point, Trump is just stripping America for parts,” Noah defined. “He’s just there in his yard being like, ‘throw in another $50 and I’ll give you the constitution. Between you and me, it barely works any more.’”
It’s “day 15 of Squattergate,” mentioned Jimmy Kimmel of the president. “Big Baby Bone Spurs is digging in like a tick in your stomach, while his team is “so desperate to come up with anything that could potentially save this stinking ship, including all sorts of major breaking scoops.”
Kimmel pointed to an look by the White House press secretary, Kayleigh McEnany, on Sean Hannity’s Fox News present, by which she flipped via a stack of papers – affidavits, she mentioned, contents unclear – and beseeched viewers about how they “aren’t blank”.
“That’s their best defense now: ‘The papers are not blank,’” Kimmel mocked. “The thinktank in Trumpland is empty. Everything is bogus – voting outcomes, crowd dimension, witch-hunts, excellent calls, Dr Fauci, Rex Tillerson, John Kelly, John Bolton, Michael Bolton, Michael Cohen, windmills, caravans, they’re all towards him.
“The deep state, Hillary’s emails, Pizzagate – every week there’s a new plot against Donald Trump,” he added. “How much gas is left in this light already? Sixty-three days, folks. Sixty-three more days.”